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Thursday 27 September 2012

The Benefits of Counseling

One of the greatest gifts in my life has been good counselors. I would certainly not be the person I am today if I had not sought out help in navigating my relationship with myself and with others.

And I am not "mentally ill".
I have not been diagnosed with any mental disorder.  
I have simply experienced life. 

Life has ups and downs. For some people those ups and downs include mild to severe mental disorders, which may or may not require medication. But for many people life is simply life. There are times when anxiety seems to be getting the better of us, or the world feels heavy, or we aren't sure how to grieve, or we have trouble trusting our own intuition, or we have trouble asking for help, or we have a pessimistic worldview that has been passed on from generation to generation, or we just aren't sure which end is up or how to make decisions, or we aren't sure how to be of most help to others we are in relationship with.

Life can be difficult. It can be frustrating. It can be hard to see our way through whatever lies before us, and so we find ourselves trying to go around...and around...and around. We become addicted to coffee, alcohol, tv, drugs, shopping, technology, home renovations and the list goes on. Human beings will find coping mechanisms of all kinds when we can't bring ourselves to deal with a situation. Dealing with our crap is hard work. It requires vulnerability. And when we are ready to deal with it, it requires a companion.

I could not have faced my issues on my own. I needed help. I did not need someone else to tell me what to do. I needed someone to help me to learn to listen to what was actually going on within and around me. I needed someone to ask me good questions and invite me to consider different ways of thinking and being in the world.

My experience is that "therapy" still has a really negative interpretation for a lot of people. Therapy is for finicky movie stars who are completely self-absorbed. Therapy is for addicts, drug addicts, not coffee addicts. Therapy is for people who are messed up. Therapy is for sick people. Therapy is for those people.

Well, I disagree. Therapy is for people who choose to love themselves enough to work on their own healing. When I become more healthy, those around me are also strengthened. When I refuse to work on my own healing, when I choose to avoid my problems and distract myself with shopping (or whatever), the problems don't go away. They get worse and they spill over onto other people and they get passed on generation to generation.

I get that going to a counselor is expensive. But I decided it was far better stewardship than spending money on drugs, alcohol or the myriad other diversions that are advertised to me daily. At least therapy doesn't add to the landfill and it actually improves my quality of life long term.

I have been incredibly blessed with two amazing counselors to walk alongside me over the past number of years. However, I should say that not all counselors are good counselors. I know this first hand. I went to one counselor, who within about 30 min. of listening to me share about my struggles with anxiety in public speaking, suggested medication. In some instances medication can be of benefit, but not for mild anxiety! We as a culture tend to over-medicate I believe, making it very difficult to see when people actually do need medication, and when other life changes would be of more benefit.

In my work with children I am often frustrated to see very young people who are not receiving the skills they need to deal with the ups and downs of life. They are being taught to deal with their anger, frustration, and anxiety through bribes and distractions and yes...shopping. If I am sad, I should have ice cream. If I am scared, I should ignore my fear and push through it and I'll get a sucker. If I am anxious about something I should go shopping. I shouldn't listen to my fear, and ask why I'm afraid. Because surely dealing with the issue head on will be far more traumatic than nursing the fear for 40 years until I can't ignore it anymore and the medication is no longer effectively numbing me out (yes I am being sarcastic here).

I know that counseling is not for everyone. I know that for some people Spiritual Direction is all that they need, and for others there might be other types of healing that better suit their situation. But, regardless of what mode of healing is right for you,  I think it's time that North Americans in general stop trying to numb out and avoid our problems because that is yet another way that we don't make a better world for our children.


2 comments:

  1. I really appreciated these lines: "I did not need someone else to tell me what to do. I needed someone to help me to learn to listen to what was actually going on within and around me. I needed someone to ask me good questions and invite me to consider different ways of thinking and being in the world."

    In my brief experience of counseling, I felt much more like my counselor was trying to give me ways of coping, which is not why I sought out counseling in the first place. I was coping just fine before seeking a counselor. I was hoping to find new ways of thinking about my situation and to be asked questions to help me see why I was feeling like I was and to deal with the core issues (which weren't the issues being addressed by the counselor - those were merely the results of the deeper issues). I would probably have walked away from that counseling experience vowing never to give counseling (in any form) another chance if it weren't for knowing people like you who have found it a wonderful investment for self-care. Thanks for sharing!

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    Replies
    1. So glad that you haven't written off counseling. It can be so frustrating to get up the courage to go to a counselor and then have a negative experience, I know. I find getting referrals from others(people like Alicia!) to be the best way to find a good counselor that can meet your needs. But in small towns, sometimes the options are limited.

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